Welcome to your new life outside the cushy confines of Princeton’s campus. Post-graduation is an exciting and scary time — like Prom and Halloween mushed into one sexy, frightening life event.
But there’s no need to tremble, young graduates. The Princeton Alumni Weekly has asked me, a real-life Princeton alum, to dispense some advice on how you can transition from coddled Ivy Leaguer into a Normal, Functional Human Being.
Look, I might not be an expert on the lives of 22-year-olds. I do not “get” Snapchat. I cannot name a TikTok star. I do not know what “post-Malone” means. (Is it a Cheers thing?)
But I do consider myself a Princeton alum who has successfully moved beyond my Old Nassau days. My wallet is no longer filled with multicolored passes to Ivy; now it is filled with adult stuff, like loose Rolaids and a loyalty card for a smoothie shop that closed eight years ago.
And so, I’ve scrounged together 10 tips that will help you achieve escape velocity from Princeton and launch you into successful Adult Orbit.
If you follow all of my advice, you will find yourself thriving in the real world. And if you have questions about any of these tips, please: Do not contact me on Snapchat. I deleted it from my phone after about four minutes. I do not understand it.
Illustrations by Peter Arkle