Whole Student: Latalia White ’13 Shares Her Story of Imposter Syndrome at Princeton

As I continue to collect mental health stories from alumni, I’m honored to share this one from Latalia White ’13.

Latalia’s performance-based identity and anxiety speak to how hard Princeton can be when you are struggling, especially as a first-generation student. She demonstrates resilience and reminds others who may relate that they are not alone. That there is strength in vulnerability.

I’ve edited and condensed this piece from an interview with Latalia in December. If you have a story to share, find me at jessica.d.deutsch@gmail.com. — Jess Deutsch ’91

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Courtesy of Latalia White ’13

I was a first-generation, low-income student from a small West Virginia town. Before me, there was one person from my high school who went to Princeton, 60 years earlier. I had the idea that the Ivy League was the best. I got the “smart” label early on in school, so my sense of self became based on academic performance. I also thought that if you want to be successful, you don’t ask for help. I was invited to go to FSI (Freshman Scholars Institute), but I didn’t go. I wanted my last summer at home. Freshman fall was a culture shock — beautiful buildings, perfect campus, everybody dressed so nicely. My hopes of joining a group were diminished after going to an a capella party: It felt like to do any extracurricular, you had to already be at such a high level. I ended up doing nothing. I fell behind in classwork and believed I would never catch up. I felt anxious all the time.

I used counseling services sophomore year. I didn’t want my parents to know, so I couldn’t use my insurance. One time, my now-husband and I crossed paths in McCosh when I was going upstairs — the first time somebody I knew caught me going to therapy. There was so much stigma.

My anxiety made me frozen in precepts. Junior year, I nearly failed a class in my department (Slavic Languages and Literatures) because of lack of participation. It still feels emotional now. My identity was wrapped up in excelling. A TA helped me. I think my final grade ended up being a C. Having faculty know I was struggling was uncomfortable but also a strange relief. For the first time, being the best student was not the only basis for being cared about.

Senior year, with a helpful adviser, I got my thesis done. At graduation, I felt ashamed — like I had failed. I graduated with a 3.36. I didn’t fail. I got a Project 55 Fellowship in Chicago, and for the first time, I enjoyed being connected to Princeton people who weren’t evaluating me.

I decided I wanted to go into mental health professionally. An alum told me about Northwestern’s marriage and family therapy program. I found academic redemption there — I got all A’s, graduated at the top of my cohort. Everything clicked. Sometimes, my imposter syndrome comes back, but vulnerability is a strength. I didn’t know that then, but I know it now.

Many of us had struggles at Princeton. We weren’t alone, even though we felt isolated. Now, I work with high-functioning, smart, educated people who appear to have it all, but they have problems, too — we all do. In therapy, we talk about “the both/and” — dual experiences that you think can’t go together. For example, I struggled at Princeton AND I am capable and worthy. I had wonderful times and terrible times at Princeton. These things can all coexist. I think Princeton will be better when we are willing to talk about our losses as much as our wins.

Ninety percent of my clients want more real connections, want to be “seen” more fully. Places like Princeton need more ways to connect without competition or judgment. I got this from a self-defense class I took from Public Safety — I wasn’t graded, just supported. With more opportunities to show up as real and imperfect people, students won’t suffer in silence. To counter toxic achievement culture, everyone needs to feel they add value just by being. At Princeton, I didn’t feel valuable because my academic achievements slipped. I am grateful I have a more nuanced understanding of my experiences now, and I hope others who have struggled, or are struggling can feel their value, too.