Humor: How to Enjoy Reunions As a ‘Prince-phonian’
Finally, a handy guide for partners and spouses!
Legend has it that anywhere from 50% to 150% of Princetonians marry other Princetonians. These Tigers meet during their time here at Princeton or even sometimes at Reunions (with the help of a handy quiz!). However, there are also those who branch out of the Orange Bubble to find their special someone. These unsuspecting “Prince-phonians” get bound to Old Nassau through an “S” and their spouse’s class year, ever destined to ask off work in May so their partner can get drunk with old friends in New Jersey.
If you are one of these “Prince-phonians,” you may be thinking: “What am I supposed to do while they’re out reliving their college days, enjoying all the events and gatherings planned for them?” This year, the Princeton Alumni Association for Bored Spouses (PAABS) scheduled events geared toward your own personal enjoyment of Reunions, no tiger needed! Read below to see the full schedule of these events.
Thursday 6 p.m. Orange-light glasses: Similar to blue-light glasses you might wear at the computer, these orange-light glasses will alleviate some of the eye pain from extended exposure to bright orange clothing.
Friday 9 a.m. Group therapy: Come meet other spouses and share your problems/trauma in a safe space. We will have licensed therapists, psychiatrists, and hypnotists on hand. If group therapy runs past noon we will provide lunch, too.
Friday 5 p.m. Intro to Princetonian: Ever wondered why a “locomotive” isn’t a train, but the “Dinky” is? Come learn to speak the basics of Princetonian, so you’ll no longer be confused when your spouse is reminiscing about “bicker” or “getting McCoshed.”
Saturday 3 p.m. Rock climbing: Is speaking to your Princetonian sometimes like talking to a wall? Take out some of that frustration at the Outdoor Action climbing wall! We are also providing some breakable plates and glasses for smashing.
Saturday 10 p.m. Bonfire: We’re hosting an outdoor bonfire on Cannon Green for all the “Prince-phonians.” Come toss anything from your spouse’s thesis to their ugly class jacket in the fire. Nobody will know it was you! Dessert reception to follow.
Spencer Bauman ’25 was the head Humor editor for The Daily Princetonian before he was fired for attempted murder, due to his killer sense of humor.
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