I am good, coming out of my 25th reunion weekend. I’m not entirely sure why I thought I wouldn’t be, but I’d have bet against it last week at this time — 30-70 odds, or something like that. Last week, I was caught in a swirl of anxious imaginings. Who I’d see, what I’d think of them, what they’d think of me, how my kids would be … and on it went.
But I am good on the other side. I settled on going as just an experience — neither right nor wrong, good nor bad. And the best word I can think of for what rose up to meet me is forgiveness.
I forgive this historic and fabled Princeton for her foibles. She forgives me for my neglect. I forgive myself for my own awkwardness and fear, love and hate, courage and bravery, all tied up on one campus. To claim her as part of me makes my heart swell, a deep orange that chooses to refuse to play small.
I am good when I stand with my class on the steps of Blair Arch, arm-in-arm with my freshman roommate, Susanne, and hear the changes in all of our 47-year old bodies, echoing down the years.
I am good, holding it all tightly, and loosely, today.
I am good, coming out of my 25th reunion weekend. I’m not entirely sure why I thought I wouldn’t be, but I’d have bet against it last week at this time — 30-70 odds, or something like that. Last week, I was caught in a swirl of anxious imaginings. Who I’d see, what I’d think of them, what they’d think of me, how my kids would be … and on it went.
But I am good on the other side. I settled on going as just an experience — neither right nor wrong, good nor bad. And the best word I can think of for what rose up to meet me is forgiveness.
I forgive this historic and fabled Princeton for her foibles. She forgives me for my neglect. I forgive myself for my own awkwardness and fear, love and hate, courage and bravery, all tied up on one campus. To claim her as part of me makes my heart swell, a deep orange that chooses to refuse to play small.
I am good when I stand with my class on the steps of Blair Arch, arm-in-arm with my freshman roommate, Susanne, and hear the changes in all of our 47-year old bodies, echoing down the years.
I am good, holding it all tightly, and loosely, today.