The Whole Student: Two Generations Reflect on Princeton

Amir Parsa ’90 is a multilingual writer, poet, translator, and cultural designer, as well as an associate provost at the art-focused Pratt Institute in Brooklyn. He grew up in Tehran and then near Washington, D.C. As a child, the messaging he got about college was that it was “crucial” and “important.”

His daughter, Oriana Parsa ’27, grew up in New York City and was raised to appreciate her education but not worry about where she would go to school. Because her family traveled often, she “valued cultural learning as much as academics,” and never felt pressure to go to Princeton.

As a freshman, I lived next door to Amir in Holder Hall. I’ve known Ori her whole life. As PAW seeks to tell stories from alumni reflecting on well-being and mental health at Princeton, I asked them to compare notes about their experiences, his as an international student new to American college life and hers as a child who “doesn’t remember a time when it wasn’t her dream to go to Princeton.” Their responses have been edited and condensed. If you have a story to share, find me at jessica.d.deutsch@gmail.com.

What do you remember knowing about Princeton before you applied?

Amir: I really didn’t know much until sophomore year of high school, through soccer at first. I struggled between Columbia and Princeton. Many people told me I’d be happier at Columbia and that it would be a better fit, but I decided on Princeton because of the totality: the campus, the focus on undergrad education — it was a feeling. I did later go to Columbia for graduate school and I’m very glad I didn’t go there for undergrad.

Ori: I remember visiting as a kid and a car stopped for us in front of Princeton Soup & Sandwich to let us cross the street. I remember thinking “OMG people in Princeton stop for you?” Princeton had the great science program I wanted, combined with a strong dance culture while being deeply rooted in the humanities. I liked that it was close enough and far away enough from home. I loved that Princeton didn’t seem as cutthroat as Harvard, but the students actually cared about and supported each other. I thought I’d be happy here.

What were your first impressions as a first-year student at Princeton?

Amir: It was culture shock. I’ve had multiple culture shocks, moving from Iran to the U.S. when I was 10. But my classmates’ rituals, music tastes, party styles — everything was very different than mine. I had attended a French school and lived with a Persian family. My one truly American involvement had been soccer. I really liked my roommates and friends, but being at Princeton was challenging for me. I found a lot of cool, committed, hardworking people. I worked at The Daily Princetonian, played soccer, and worked at the student center. Washing big dishes made me appreciate working alone because I could meditate and do my creative work in my head. I still bring that up as an example of how repetitive work can create the conditions for writing and thinking up new ideas.

Ori: I loved it! I had so many meaningful conversations with zee-mates in the Forbes annex, and knew the friends I was making would be important for the rest of my life. I loved getting to meet new people every day, and then getting closer to them as we’d run into each other at Frist Late Meal. I formed trauma bonds in Fine Hall calculus precepts, and I was scared before tests. Coming from the city, it also blew my mind that I had classmates who could drive.

How do you see Princeton today as different from how you knew it (Amir), or from the idea of it you had before (Ori)?

Amir: I think it’s expanded but retained the best characteristics. In some ways, I can’t believe I went here. One of the very interesting things to me is how my own relationship to Princeton has changed. I was not a “rah rah” alum. The first reunion I went back to was my 24^th. I had been distant and detached, just doing some alumni interviews. But now I go back regularly, I read and listen, I check up on academics and other opportunities. I have come to appreciate the whole thing more.

Ori: I thought I would feel imposter syndrome, but I haven’t. I’ve felt despair before orgo tests or writing sem due dates, but no one’s ever made me feel like I don’t belong here. I expected to be locked in the library day and night, but that hasn’t been the reality. I rehearse with my dance groups, barista at Coffee Club, get meals with friends, play Codenames at TI, go on walks. Studying takes up a large portion of my time, but not all of it.

What do you each think might be more or less healthy about the way your generation of students navigated Princeton?

Amir: It feels like there is more understanding of the importance of well-being now, but I’m not sure that the stresses associated with academic life have been lessened. I went independent from the get-go and never bickered, and I liked that. I feel like there are lots of clubs now that students can join, maybe more than in my time — but maybe I just never sought them out?

Ori: I wonder what Princeton free of phones would be like. We spend so much time scrolling mindlessly. What would my dad’s friends do without phones? Write letters? What would they do before falling off to sleep, if not doomscroll? I can imagine they would’ve been so much more grounded in the moment. I imagine it was gratifying to receive letters in the mail. Less access to the outside world would’ve made the four years on campus more distinct and meaningful.

What advice would you give to current students, and what do you wish you could get a glimpse of from Princeton Past?

Amir: I would tell them three things: First, try all the clubs, international internships, friends’ dances, singing groups, sports, great lectures. Second, do something you had not done before and that you don’t think you would otherwise do after school, and for totally noncompetitive reasons. I didn’t really do this and I wish I had. And third, enjoy all dimensions of the uniquely American phenomenon of college. Go outside your comfort zones, academically, socially, and otherwise. College happens only once, so I recommend taking it all in.

Ori: I would like to go back in time to see what everyone wore to class! I wonder if they dressed more professionally, or if they wore sweatpants, or shoes like ours. I would like to see what they did for fun, to know what it felt like to see a friend you haven’t seen in a long time, without being able to check Insta for updates. I wonder how people asked each other out on dates without texts. I’d like to check productivity and mental health without emails. How would professors get in touch with students? Did students carry around water bottles, drink more coffee than we do, or soda?  Most of all, I’d like to see what my dad looked like when he was my age. I’d like to know if he was shy or outgoing, if his voice cracked, if he had the same worries as I do, if the same things would make him smile.

Jess Deutsch ’91, EdM, LSW is an education adviser in Princeton, New Jersey. Her career and current practice focus on promoting well-being in the pursuit of higher education.